Am i dating a narcissist
Narcissism and codependence are both diseases of responsibility. After enough of these relationships, it becomes possible to know what is happening inside the narcissist, or in their world, simply by listening to their accusations. The narcissist takes too little responsibility, while the codependent takes too much responsibility. This example also demonstrates projective identification, where the codependent enabler actually starts to take on the projected role. We want to jump in and save the victim from the perpetrator. The polarization of the system pulls us into the third role: the savior. This is very clearly visible in a relationship between a drug addict and their “enabler.” The codependent enabler tries to get the addict to stop taking their drug of choice, while the addict, the one with the power to stop, is happy to abdicate their responsibility and rely on the codependent enabler.
Me: I was just trying to read my book and then this happened. The enabler must warp themselves to fit the needs of the narcissist.
I hope this article helps to counter-balance that stereotype.
Most of us can express traits of narcissism and codependence at different times in our lives, and in different relationships, especially when under stress. The narcissistic process, needing to maintain a perfect self-image, will project all negative qualities onto others, particularly the codependent. Me: I feel scared that you might start yelling at me.
Me: I’m really sorry for hurting you in our relationship.
There is an absolute decoupling of action from the assignment of responsibility. Some relationships last while both people are crushed under the weight of dysfunction, but eventually such a brittle system snaps.
A benefit of not leaving is that I get to tell you some weird stories about what happened next. Often, the aspects of reality that are being asserted are subjective and arguable, but sometimes they are beliefs that do not match easily verifiable facts.